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This semi-regular column is written (in his own blood) by an automotive sage and noted malcontent, known as The Mechanic. Mercilessly beaten as a child with rolled-up back issues of old car magazines, our free-spoken hero developed a unique “for your own good” take on cars and the auto industry, along with an unfortunate habit of setting himself ablaze. Later, after a distinguished career as an automotive journalist and magazine editor, he cast off the reins of his musty oppressors, carved out his superego with a plastic spork and became The Mechanic.

Man, what a couple of weeks. Between the swine flu and every single company in America except ol' Inc. declaring bankruptcy, I'm ready to fire up the kerosene generator and find my way in the dark for a while. Live off the grid, as they say.

I could probably do it, but not without the DTs. The things I would miss the most are the cars and my iPhone. Don't laugh. I'm not really a techie, but I just got this great app. It's called Get a Life. You share it with your iPhone-addicted friends and it kills them.

Which brings me to Pontiac. It's been sentenced to death, as I'm sure you've heard, and I'm not really that cool with it. Fact is, it shouldn't have happened. Pontiac's demise wasn't fate. It was murder. Cold-blooded murder. A result of bad management, and proof that people who don't like cars shouldn't work at car companies.

Don't get me wrong, it's a mercy killing. Poor thing was suffering. The G3? Give me a freakin' break. Glad to see it go. But I look around the industry and see cars being built by other car companies and I think, “See? That should be a Pontiac.” If they were, maybe Pontiac would be kickin' ass instead of pushin' daisies.

What am I talking about?

Well, let's start with the Hyundai Genesis Coupe. $22,000. Turbo engine. Rear-wheel drive. It should be a Pontiac. Talk about a modern-day GTO or Firebird.

Or the Mazda CX-7 and CX-9. Both are affordable, attractive, strong-performing crossovers that look good and allow dads who can't afford a BMW X5 to have a little fun while they're hauling the kids to Chuck E Cheese. Both should be Pontiacs.

Then there's the Mini Cooper. Small. Economical. Affordable and fun. A premium small car for guys who don't want just an econobox. Guys with big ideas and expensive taste but limited resources. Values once at the core of Pontiac in its heyday.

For a more mainstream small car I think the Mazda 3 (yes, another Mazda ) with its two body styles and Mazdaspeed variant would fit the Pontiac mold well, but the Civic and Civic Si would work as well.

How about the Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8? Our fictitious successful Pontiac would have a true muscle truck, and the Jeep runs with the $100,000 Porsche Cayenne Turbo and Mercedes ML63 AMG for less than half the cash. A modern-day Bonneville.

Hmmm, what else do we need? Oh yes, a sedan.

Kidding. I would keep the G8 around in all its forms — V6, GT and GXP — but I would add the wagon and a coupe to the mix. And by coupe I, of course, mean the Camaro. There would be a Pontiac version of the Camaro, essentially making the G8 a subfamily of Pontiacs, much like Land Rover is doing with the Range Rover and Range Rover Sport.

And if you have a coupe, then of course you cut off its roof and make a convertible.

Seems like a fine lineup of machines to me. Each is fun, affordable and high in build quality. They are both desirable and aspirational, but also obtainable. Sure, everything will skew male, but many of these products appeal to women as well. And there is not one in the bunch that doesn't put a priority on dynamics.

That said, it's too late. Pontiac is going to that big boulevard of cars in the sky. And this list of would-be Ponchos is just one man's feeble attempt to set the world right.

What do you think? Would such a lineup have saved Pontiac? Doesn't really matter anyway, since we're all going to die of the swine flu by summer. — The Mechanic , Contributor

E-mail me at themechanic@edmunds.com.